What if..
So MBAJ's post got c'est la vie thinking, and her post got me thinking....
A friend of mine is dating this guy. They're reasonably happy together. However, sometimes I get the feeling that she's evaluating her choice...what if she weren't with him...what if she were single...what if she were single AND had met that lawyer dude from Chicago....what if she had waited...
I guess as we go through life, we are bound to face several "what ifs". Very similar to the "what if" in my friend's relationship is the "what if" that a lot of applicants face when they find themselves in a situation where they have been rejected by their top choice schools and are trying to make peace with the fact that they will go someplace that is not their first choice. They might begin to wonder....what if they really have the potential to be at their top choice? What went wrong this year? What if with just a little tweaking of the application, they can get in at their top choice? What if they are short changing themselves by going to their second or third or fourth choice?
These questions are bound to pop up since we put in a lot of time and energy into these applications and no one likes (perceived) failure. So I guess it comes down to knowing yourself and managing your expectations and figuring out what you truly want. So you got rejected by your top choice, school A, but are in at your 2nd choice, school B. Should you let the "what if" factor creep in and try again for school A or maybe feel like you're settling for something less? Not if you approached this process in the correct fashion.
At the end of the day, an MBA is a means to an end. We want to develop a certain skill set and become a part of a network that will open up new avenues in any given field. Moreover, the MBA experience should provide us with the opportunity to develop as a person and to be exposed to new people, cultures and ideas. And last, but not the least, it should be a fun and enjoyable experience. Ideally, if you did your research right, school B will provide you with all these opportunities too. So why the "what if" regarding school A? More often than not it comes down to prestige/brand factor, perception of you by your friends/family/peers and the fact that you did not succeed. The last point is a blow to your ego. The fact that you know that school A is *considered* better than school B by some (and maybe even by you) and the fact that after the process, you truly believe that you had a good shot at getting into school A, clouds your judgement slightly and makes you question whether maybe you're settling for less than you deserve. You might lose sight of the real question, which is whether the school you are in at will add value to you as a person and to your career in the future. The answer is ususally, yes. That is why you applied there. Of course it is very possible that no matter what metric you use, school A is indeed better than school B. It still doesn't matter as long as you gave it your best shot. As with several other things in life, it is useless to dwell on what could have been. It is better to focus on what can be.
Most candidates who enter this game believe at some level that they have a good shot at getting into their top school choice. Before this experience, most people have never taken the time to evaluate their lives and to take stock of their achievements to date, so by the end of this process, *most* people are very impressed with themselves :). This leads to the belief that they deserve to and probably can get in whereever they want. Unfortunately there are a limited number of seats, and not everyone can get in everywhere. While believing in yourself is an admirable trait, this thought process might again make you lose your sense of perspective and make you feel less satisfied with an excellent school even though that school will fulfill all the expectations you have from an MBA.
Ultimately, I think there are many paths to success. Not getting into your top choice school or not getting into a school at all, or not getting the job you want etc are all just minor bumps, if that. You just have to take stock of the situation and reroute your path towards your definition of success.
A friend of mine is dating this guy. They're reasonably happy together. However, sometimes I get the feeling that she's evaluating her choice...what if she weren't with him...what if she were single...what if she were single AND had met that lawyer dude from Chicago....what if she had waited...
I guess as we go through life, we are bound to face several "what ifs". Very similar to the "what if" in my friend's relationship is the "what if" that a lot of applicants face when they find themselves in a situation where they have been rejected by their top choice schools and are trying to make peace with the fact that they will go someplace that is not their first choice. They might begin to wonder....what if they really have the potential to be at their top choice? What went wrong this year? What if with just a little tweaking of the application, they can get in at their top choice? What if they are short changing themselves by going to their second or third or fourth choice?
These questions are bound to pop up since we put in a lot of time and energy into these applications and no one likes (perceived) failure. So I guess it comes down to knowing yourself and managing your expectations and figuring out what you truly want. So you got rejected by your top choice, school A, but are in at your 2nd choice, school B. Should you let the "what if" factor creep in and try again for school A or maybe feel like you're settling for something less? Not if you approached this process in the correct fashion.
At the end of the day, an MBA is a means to an end. We want to develop a certain skill set and become a part of a network that will open up new avenues in any given field. Moreover, the MBA experience should provide us with the opportunity to develop as a person and to be exposed to new people, cultures and ideas. And last, but not the least, it should be a fun and enjoyable experience. Ideally, if you did your research right, school B will provide you with all these opportunities too. So why the "what if" regarding school A? More often than not it comes down to prestige/brand factor, perception of you by your friends/family/peers and the fact that you did not succeed. The last point is a blow to your ego. The fact that you know that school A is *considered* better than school B by some (and maybe even by you) and the fact that after the process, you truly believe that you had a good shot at getting into school A, clouds your judgement slightly and makes you question whether maybe you're settling for less than you deserve. You might lose sight of the real question, which is whether the school you are in at will add value to you as a person and to your career in the future. The answer is ususally, yes. That is why you applied there. Of course it is very possible that no matter what metric you use, school A is indeed better than school B. It still doesn't matter as long as you gave it your best shot. As with several other things in life, it is useless to dwell on what could have been. It is better to focus on what can be.
Most candidates who enter this game believe at some level that they have a good shot at getting into their top school choice. Before this experience, most people have never taken the time to evaluate their lives and to take stock of their achievements to date, so by the end of this process, *most* people are very impressed with themselves :). This leads to the belief that they deserve to and probably can get in whereever they want. Unfortunately there are a limited number of seats, and not everyone can get in everywhere. While believing in yourself is an admirable trait, this thought process might again make you lose your sense of perspective and make you feel less satisfied with an excellent school even though that school will fulfill all the expectations you have from an MBA.
Ultimately, I think there are many paths to success. Not getting into your top choice school or not getting into a school at all, or not getting the job you want etc are all just minor bumps, if that. You just have to take stock of the situation and reroute your path towards your definition of success.
posted by MJ at Wednesday, April 05, 2006
3 Comments:
Very well said. I find that this "what if" thinking also creeps into other parts of our lives as well, such as jobs (high prestige job vs. job you are more interested in). I guess there's really nothing wrong with asking yourself "Could I do better?" as long as you're willing to accept the mental back-and-forth that comes along with it. =o)
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RickJ
"Ultimately, I think there are many paths to success." I completely agree. You don't have to go to #1 to be #1. (And I take it to point not to stive to be #1. Trying to surpass Bill Gates in wealth will probably drain me of all my energy sending me to an early grave. Not for me. :-P)
But no matter where the road of life takes you - it's making the most of each destination along the way. And when you fall, analyzing one's failures and learning the lessons needed to move forward.
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