The catharsis of writing

When I started this blog, it was never meant to be a "MBA applicant" blog. But since most of the other blogs I have been visiting recently have been B school related, my blog has taken on a distinct "b school journey" flavor. The very few people who even know about this blog are some fellow applicants to the class of 2008. I sat down to blog about something today and after saving the post as a draft, realized a couple of things. I was bothered by the fact that I had said nothing about my applications or my interview (or lack of one) or my preparation to make the transition to B school and it was bothering me. I ended up adding some pretty boring stuff (to me) about the planned trip to Durham and a conversation I recently had with a Fuqua first year. The second thing was that I realized that I was subconsciously assessing what impression I was conveying by what I wrote. I was worrying about what people would think of me. Would the reader think I'm funny? Smart? Witty? Was the post coming across as interesting (to the reader) or was I putting them to sleep with my meandering style? Or worse still, am I coming across as whiny or immature or silly? Are they gonna read my blog and think "ha, this guy is so gay"...oh my..i used that word in that sentence. It's just an expression. It has nothing to do with the literal meaning of the word. Is that politically incorrect? Don't wanna give the wrong impression............. And I started editing my post. That is such a sell out. I am who/what I am and I write for myself. I write as much for the catharsis of writing as for saving some of my thoughts on various issues. An online journal/diary? Not quite. More like a record of my thoughts on some topics, which gives me some direction and helps me understand myself better.

So what had I blogged about previously? What was it that set off this chain of thought? A surreal weekend night. A date that wasn't a date but one which seemed very much like a date...one such as which I haven't had in a long time. It started at around 12 AM. There was wine and talk and a movie and more talk and flirting and more wine and a morning walk along the beach. There wasn't even so much as a kiss at the end of it but it still put a smile on my face for all of the rest of the day. So different from most other dates with all the pressure and expectation and desire to make a good impression. So different from the meat market kind of feel when we sometimes go out clubbing and size up the women while they do the same to us. A lot of my friends are still in the "lets go to a club and hook up with a woman/man" phase. Or in the desperate "I need to find someone" phase. I'm not judging them. I'm not saying I'm better than them. I'm just saying it gets really tiring after a point.

So where will this go? Probably nowhere. I'm no cynic. Far from it. I've been told I'm the eternal romantic. But I just don't see it happening with this girl. It's a gut feeling. Also, I don't think I would want to start something right now since I'm gonna leave town in a couple of months. It was a great night nonetheless.